Alright.

In the name of Paranoia I'm going to make this brief.

Whilst going for a quiet stroll in the quaint nooks and crannies of Dun
Fortress, I happened upon my old pal, The Ogre Chieftain, who, it is
said, seldom registers any activity in the synaptic reflex department,
and furthermore has a fine collection of cooties under his helmet.

Be that as it may, my primary interest in Ogres, of course, is to teach
them the finer points of elocution. I don't know about the rest of you
but in this enlightened age, it simply will -not do- to speak to ladies
with a 'Dis' and 'Dey' and so on. We ladies like a chap to speak well,
show manners and prove as much in the course of everyday life.

So, imagine my chagrin, having already taught him basic verb usage
earlier that day, as turned to leave him to his neanderthal musings, he
said (and I quote)

"Dats right Arachne, just walk away".

I wasn't about to stand for this outrageous slur of course, so before I
raised an axe in retribution, I naturally enough sent him a tell, by way
of preparation for combat.

Imagine, then, my surprise when it transpired I had sent this tell to no
other than a 'Two-headed Ogre'.

Now to the nub of my post. In all my waking hours I have never seen a
Two-headed Ogre, nor, as it turns out am I likely to. I've asked him
where he is, to no avail. He refuses to talk, nor provide any
information about his rather unfortunate physical condition. He is as
silent as the 'h' in 'honest'

In short, he -lurks-.

But where?

All of this is very disturbing to one such as I with my delicate
constitution and disposition. Therefore, I am seeking one who knows the
whereabouts of this macabre lurker, money no object.

I look forward to hearing more. Thank you.


Yours, afraid to go outside,

Etc, etc.

Penned by my hand on the 11th of Slyphian, in the year 114 MA.