The feast at Castle Saer'ac

As usual I was late for the banquet. I ran into the dinning hall panting
for breath. Everyone was seated and starring at me in helpless
acceptance. Razor sat at the head of the table with Lord Serram on his
left and Master Ishuri on the right. My father Chrono was already passed
out in the fish tank. They all glared at me angrily.

The group of minstrels we'd hired stopped their music.

"Sorry I am late." I chuckled timidly. "I, er, had a slight problem in
Lord Rahn's temple. After I finished offering, three badgers attacked
me, badgers as big as grandma's hemorrhoids. Things got out of hand, the
one badger was humping my leg. I kicked the badger onto a priest and
then the priest got angry and incinerated me, but missed and hit another
priest. Then the badgers were frightened so they turned on the priests
and then I tried to stop them all by flame-bombing everything. Next
minute there were flames everywhere, lava is pumping out the volcano
magma is like spurting in my face and molting ash was strewn everywhere.
Things got pretty "heated" upahehe.he..he..he." I laughed weakly.

"Sit down you sniveling idiot!" Serram shouted across the table then he
rolled his eyes at Lady Elinja. "There is your chair."

I had now grown fond of the baby chair I was forced to sit in for
punishment over the years. However it was just rather embarrassing
sitting next to Saige in all her elegance whilst I tightened my bib and
grabbed my soft wooden fork, the one with a cork on the end. Every
Saer'ac was at the feast. All my uncles, my father, my adopted children
and every friend we had welcomed to our family.

"By the blazing burning bowels of Rahn, Sayber, you are an
embarrassment!" Razor did not have eyes but I know that if he did they
would resemble massive, gleaming, edged dirks. Pointing right at me,
hungrily. "Anyway, I am not going to allow you to ruin this evening. We
have much to discuss and it's rare that we can all gather under one
roof, given that everyone has so many responsibilities."

"Firstly I think we should all congratulate my brother Ishuri in
transforming. He has done such hard work over the years, he is
dedicated, focused and extremely diligent." Razor held up a wine goblet
and toasted Ishuri. "Serving you in the Daru, Ishuri has been both and
honor and privilege, you are an inspiration to us all."

My grandmother farted and everyone smiled, pretending that they heard
nothing.

Everyone clapped and cheered. Ishuri was in his normal form but I
noticed on the wall behind him the firelight cast a shadow behind him of
some incredible beast-like silhouette. I shivered slightly and poked
myself in the eye with the wooden, cork-tipped fork. Daedloth was
sitting next to me and thrust his arm in my ribs.

"Now Lady Elinja, well done in gaining the position of guild mistress."
Razor toasted the atavian paladin. "Once more the Saer'ac have produced
another guildhead." Razor then turned to acknowledge Silvara, who was
looking flustered.

We have a few goblin slaves working for us and at this point they
brought out a huge array of food while Razor was toasting respective
members who had done marvelous deeds. One goblin with no front teeth
brought out a roasted wild boar with a massive apple in its maw and
covered in a mushroom and cheese sauce. I was revolted. A goblin with a
hunchback brought out a few grilled chickens in a hot lobelia sauce, I
struggled to hold down my bile. Quickly followed another two goblins
that brought out a lamb on a spit in a mint and pepper basting, I slowly
became very dizzy and my daughter, Synx gave me a worried look. A few
female goblins that looked more like males brought out some boiled
vegetables, fruit, nuts and more wine, my stomach began to groan.

"Is there nothing for me?" I pleaded. "This food is disgusting."
"Relax father, yours is coming." Argent patted me on the back. "They had
a bit of trouble cooking it."

Again my grandmother farted rather excitedly, but Damarus covered it up
by blaming a poor paradise bird nesting on a ceiling beam.

Finally it arrived, on the shoulders of three struggling goblins. A
donkey marinated in stirge puss for seven months, basted in slimold
phlegm and then cooked to perfection in a delightful buckaw-urine sauce
with a splash of dryad puke.

"Oh you shouldn't have!" Everyone was looking rather sick, but my father
perked up and got out the fish tank to join us. It was short lived for
he grabbed a cask of ale threw it down his throat and fell asleep on the
shoulder of a rather intimidated Lothorius. Who shrugged helplessly to
his better half, Askira.

"Alright, I am glad everyone has settled down!" Razor announced,
ignoring Chrono's snoring. "I need to discuss the family's opinion of
this crisis in Shastaan that has caused a great amount of controversy
over the last few months."

Everyone carried on eating but you could see everyone was listening. The
Shastaan situation had reached boiling point. The Daru, Paladins,
Luminaries and Priests were forced to protect the village. Shallam took
up arms to defend it for ruthless pillagers and necromantic rapists. Of
course the Sentaari did nothing. Many citizens were dying out there to
the hands of very brave powerful, murderers. I say brave because it
takes a great amount of guts and courage to kill a few starved fishermen
and then run away. To what purpose? It still remains a mystery. Do they
run back to there little groups and snicker to themselves about how
sneaky they are. Who knows?

"I wonder if anyone could give me advice about the situation." Razor
looked around the table. "Some of these evil fighters are great
fighters, extremely hard to face one on one. They do not care for
anything nor do they hold any respect for anyone. For instance, I saw
Mephiston bragging over a corpse. Only the gods know what he planned to
do with that dead Shastaan woman. It is my fervent hope that one fine
day, one of these great brainless fighters is going to arrive in
Shastaan with a gleaming broadsword and the expectation of an easy
battle, only to be outwitted by a civilized group villagers outnumbering
him with pitchforks. "

A goblin came out with a bottle of Nedeburg Cabernet Sauvignon of
midsummer 28 year of Kephri. A mischievous blend of grape, with the
tight after taste of ginger and lemongrass. I poured a glass for the
gorgeous Saige and then while everyone was not looking I emptied the
rest down my throat.

"This is sick, truly and utterly heinous!" Serram shook his head.
"Something must be done!"
"I do not know what you are worried about, really?" I dared to speak
after being put in the dog box. "I mean everyday they kill a fisherman,
but the next day there is another fisherman in his place. They breed
like rabbits! They have nothing to do but fish and then sha.."

Legic threw an orange at me. Grandmother farted in fright but we all
looked up at the paradise bird that was starting to look rather
paranoid.

"No Sayber, it is the principle!" Ishuri responded. "Hundreds of
innocent people are being killed, for NO reason. These people kill only
because they can kill. They are supreme fighters so they think they have
carte blanche. Remember the swordsaints, they fell honorably to their
infernal counterparts."

"Hrm." Synx interjected. "I am an Infernal and I have delved into the
dark necromantic arts. Only foolish and, to be quite honest, pathetic
Infernals would kill for the sake of killing. No Infernal can be proud
of killing a scurvy ridden townsperson, that can't even hold up a
fishing net. An Occultist yes, but an Infernal? There is no honor in
that. Killing a Paladin at the shrine that can match you in combat to
bring more power to the dark is rewarding. Or even killing a useless
guildmaster and his sidekick for murdering an innocent Theran child is
honorable. Killing a fisherman iswellthat is lame."


A few of the Paladin's growled at Synx. She was the only one in the
family to turn to darkness after an extremely hard life in the Sentaari.
Before things got out of hand I conveniently spilt a jug of mead across
the table. Synx was right, but I still did not approve of the dark ways
that she became so proud of. What self-respecting Infernal would boast
about killing the swordsaints? I think there is more honor defending the
poor Shastaan townsfolk than slaughtering them. Why do they not go into
a field of angry rabbits, they might prove more of a fight.

"Perhaps the Consanguine need more food." Silvara replied. "They are
always behind these sort of matters."

"No I must disagree on that one sister." Daedloth politely argued.
"Everyone is so paranoid about them. Yes they are sinister and perhaps
they do backhanded things now and again. I can't see why a vampire would
go out of their way to invade the town for blood. They can just go to
Azdun or something, Even goblin ghasts are stronger than polio infected
fishermen."

A few goblins scuttled away in a blind panic. This time granny let out a
ripper that no one could ignore. Even a few people in Ashtan could hear
that one.

Serram gently helped the old woman to her bedchambers but the
overwhelming stench claimed the room for quite a while. "I swear that
old woman is more potent than Lord Severn's poisoned claws."

"Agreed. But that does not help me!" Razor pondered. "What is to be done
about the village?"

Chrono woke up suddenly and wiped off a strand of drool off his nose and
onto the ear of Lothorius. "Perhaps we should do nothing." Chrono's
Sentaari background was shining through. "These people are only looking
for attention, eventually the deed will wear out. You see, if you place
a thing in the center of your life that lacks the power to nourish it,
it will eventually poison everything that you are, and destroy you. A
simple thing such as an idea or your perspective on yourself or the
world. No one can be the source of your contempt. It lies within you, in
the center. That is why I left the Sentaari. It was killing me slowly. I
turned to alcohol. It kills you faster."

There was a silence so loud that my ears hurt. Granny farted but then I
realized she was no longer at the table and everyone was looking at me
suspiciously. I do not think I had heard my father say anything so
intelligent in my life. Usually the words in his sentences had one
syllable or they sounded like grunts.

"I have never been one to embrace apathy, brother." Razor scrutinized
Chrono for a moment, but I think he knew that for the first time in his
life Chrono was right. "Then it is settled, we will not waste time
dithering on about this matter. I am assured it is in good hands and
matters will proceed in a satisfactory way with or without us. We will
concentrate on more productive matters like building the library and
finishing the castle."

Everyone nodded and began to enjoy the feast. Goblins brought out more
food and wine. The massive dinning table was covered in food and liquor.
Everyone began to be merry and jovial. The goblin minstrel band we hired
called the Red Hot Lobelia Seeds began rocking. Silvara amazed us with
some magical fireworks that lit up the gigantic stone room. Lothorius
dazzled us with some druidic animal lore. Koron enchanted us with
precision sword work. Daedloth demonstrated some Daru illumination
techniques of flame spitting and coal dancing. Ishuri frightened the
living bajeepers out of us by transforming into a huge demonic monster
thing. Then we all managed to get tremendously drunk and rowdy deep into
the Shallamese night.

Chrono ended up in the fish tank. Serram ended up in the pond with
Elinja. Lothorius and Askira ended up next to the fireplace curled up. I
ended up on the chandelier with Saige in my arms and Razor, he was
sniffing a seat.

May a huge flame warm your heart.

Penned by my hand on the 6th of Chakros, in the year 110 MA.