Greetings public debating what-me-nots,


I put quill to whatever i'm writing on because:

I come to you with serious news...
I come to you with bad news......
I come to you with important news....
I come to with...news

*ahem* I have founded a news headquarters base thing that i shall call
fiddlesticks

*warning* if you are not easily amused or explode when given
insanity...feel free to skip ahead.


~General news~
A local Jaruian (i'm not sure how you say it) caught fire today. Some
people claim it was another case of spontaneous humanoid combustion.

But our expert of Science at fiddlesticks says the cause of the accident
was fire... unbelievable. He also said: "From what i've seen most people
who blow up are lardbutts that drink too much. This kid was not fat and
didn't drink. end of story.

Shocking...

A man wearing smiley face boxers stole 1 million gp from the Ashtan
Royal Bank...although the cause is unknown, our expert of psychology
says he may have done it to get gold.

Amazing...

It is said that I eat pie...mmm

~Consumer News~
*warning*-This section may cause dizzyness, dry mouth, lung, brain,
heart, kidney, and breast caner. Be warned...the amount of spaces
beetween stories may cause death and serious eye injuries.

I now give the quill to our expert of consumer stuffs.

Greetings, I'm here to tell you when or when not to buy stuff. Ne wary
of the scammer *voices*

People who wear things such as green shoes, furry hats, gloves, jewelry,
or frankly, and clothing at all are likely to scam you.

Commodity Report: People with a leather bondage fetish rejoice! Rope and
Leather fill the commodity shops (what else is new...)

*events*
Happy day! Everyone's favorite pie monger has the quill...Don't ask how
i got it back *eyeshift*

Right then...
Today the only events i could dig up out of the public posts are about
Vampires and some sort of light people that set people on fire for
"experiments".

The Black Hand....what is it?

A giant Mhun with a tan that shoves his hand down peoples rear-ends?
An atavian playing in otter poo?
A kid that touched a stove for too long?

These things we may never know...but we can be sure of one thing...I'm
in my closet in fear.

Moving on...
What is this "gift" people keep talking about. Well i discussed it with
my fellow potheads and we have made this conclusion:

It's either a pipe, a big wad of hemp, or a gigantic bong. Later we
found out it was the Consanguine Embrace.

Shocking...

The Black Hand had changed their name from the oddly perverted Black
Hand...to the seemingly less perverted "Fira Et Lumina"

It makes them look like they've changed their cause... but we all know
that they only changed their name and the only thing they wanna do is
light people on fire.

As a rogue myself i find all this "burn the rogues" odd. I mean just
because we don't have a Noble House doesn't mean we should be hung from
the highest tree and are nothing but a big pile of otter poo. In fact, i
find myself bathing in a lake with scented oils quite often...so that
makes me good...


~letters to the editor~
Dear Editor,
I LOVE YOUR WORK!!! MARRY ME!!!

from,
a crazed prostitute


Wow i must say that i've never had a lover in any of my visions...and if
i had one in this life i wouldn't know...i lost my memory....check my
non-existant background for more info


Wow...no more letters...i feel so popular...

If any of you would like to send me letters (weither they be fan mail or
a death threat) i'll post them right here in my nexy edition.



________________________________________________________________________

This has been the first edition of my news sweep...happy day!

If you would like to donate to the Pie Order or fiddlesticks...feel free
to send donations of credits, gold, pie, or various other shiny things
to Ferrowin.

~FeRr0win~ Editor of Fiddlesticks

~credits~
editor:ferrowin
Expert of experts: Ferrowin
Expert of science: Ferrowin
Expert of psychology: Ferrowin
Consumer expert: Ferrowin
Treasurer: a strawberry pie

(I'm not crazy...just ask Ferrowin)





Penned by my hand on the 17th of Niuran, in the year 134 MA.