I have to thank all of you that have appreciated my posts and it is for
primarily that reason I have decided to write this one. To those who
have not appreciated my posts I urge you not to read them, but I know
you probably will. So I warn you not to take offence, we live in a realm
where it would be petty if you take my words to heart. Nevertheless I am
still sexier than you anyway so rather hate me for my sexiness rather
than my witless wit.

The strangest thing happened to me last night. Something called Cactus
Weed.

Some herbs cure afflictions yet The Weed of the Cactus gives you all the
afflictions you could ever hope to have. Stupidity, recklessness,
paranoia, dizziness and slowness are but a few. It makes Trolls walk
like effeminate, Tso'laa. It makes Imps behave like fluttering Atavians.
It makes Grook leap like Horkvals (or Horkvals jump-frogging Grooks,
which can only have fatal repercussions). It makes Rajamala feel like
feeling other Rajamalas, (I know this is gross as hell, but this
explains why Aden and Murad are always together). It also makes Xorani
stupid like humans.

I still consider humans as the most putrid beings on this bit of rock we
call Sapience. They have these strange things that hang on the sides of
their heads called ears (really mental humans actually hang things on
these "ears"), they also have these beady little eyes and this
interesting stuff called "hair" in the oddest places (do not ask me how
I know). The thing that repulses me the most about them is the fact that
they use their noses to smell stuff when they have perfectly good
tongues already, they cannot even pick up vibrations in the earth they
have to rely on sound and if that is not enough to condemn them as a
inferior species they have brains, yes but not brains like Xoran or
Dwarves, they only use ten percent of their brains, what a joke. (I know
you're laughing at this point because you think I am exaggerating, but I
tell no lie).

So why my interest in this herb?

I will tell you, but before I do. Allow me to apologize to you people
for my arrogance. People in the realm are getting angry at my ongoing
talk about my own prettiness. I fear even the divine sigh when I start
telling Aetolia about my legendary sexy dominance. I know in my heart
that I am the most seductive thing on the planet since Jaru chocolate. I
know in my heart I am so handsome I make females struggle to stand on
their own feet when I walk past. I know in my heart I am "The Lizard the
Ladies Love". My friends even call me triple Lbut I have no friends,
just those who envy me.

In this post I will not mention my sexiness and from now on I will no
longer burden your "ears" with my ego any longer. A few days ago the
heavens opened up and Lord Severn himself sent a booming voice into my
skull. A voice that said that the joke had gone on long enough. He said
he would be laughing visibly if he was visible but he wasn't visible,
which meant he was not finding me amusing. I wish the divine were not so
ambiguous, but they are superior to us.

If there is one divine that gives me nightmares it is the Lord of
Artifice. I can safely say I am one of the few mortals in the realm that
has ever worn his poisoned gauntlets and his morphing mask. To this day
I have not recovered. I still see visions of demonic forces battling
each other in the underworld, I still see the denizens of hell invading
my head, I still see the specters and ghostly apparitions plaguing my
sleep, I still see the pink little bunnies trying to hump the morning
dovesoh no wait that was something else. However I still stink from the
claws I once held in my hands and the black icor that dripped on my
arms. That poison is so lethal that ten years have come and gone and no
mosquito, fly or tick will come near me. Nevertheless you will no longer
hear about my sexiness in any shape or form except for Saige, but that
is because she is the only one that can truly identify masculinity. The
last thing I want to happen to me is to be turned into a shrub on the
side of the highway, or worse a maggot, or even worse a worm. A worm
with a gold head band with the letter "A" for Amaratha, "Yay super
worm!".

It was one of the days when I was down and depressed about the
seriousness of life and all my problems. My uncle left the realm after
becoming a tekal, my other uncle was on a spirit quest and my other
uncle is a troll. I had given up on my father, since he got rejected
from the family he had taken drinking to a new level. I found him that
morning standing naked in the Saer'ac garden talking to a miniature tree
with seven goldenseal roots stuck up his anus.

Saige was experiencing hibernation in the forests and she was watching
her seedlings and taking care of her guild matters. My two sons
Xranthios and Argent were pursuing guild matters and I had not seen them
in days. Synx.. well Synx was never right in the head.

My guild was in tatters after the new leadership from the Clio fanatic.
My guild mates had been outguilded for treason. If you fart in the wrong
direction you will be charged for high treason. If you find a vampire
attractive you will die. Fortunately there are no attractive (and
available) vampires. They were now insisting on wearing titles like
master and grandmaster and talks of a law that all Daru had to wear
these ridiculous uniforms that looked like something a fairy would wear.
I am not going to call myself Grandmaster Sayber Saer'ac, the Frolicking
Fairy. That's worse than being a worm, oh no wait you have to seriously
damaged in the head to become a worm. And even more stupid to ignore the
lesson trying to be taught.

The last I heard from Lord Rahn was twenty years ago and all he said
was. "That is amusing Sayber." Then baam, he is gone. Lord Rahn is or
was the most serious, austere and stern divine I have ever encountered.
Was it my fault I made him smile? And why did he have to disappear
because of it? Life was harsh to me, I need to find myself.

There are four places to seek wisdom in the realm. Epicurus the wise,
but he hated me after I called him a babbling mad man. Averroes, but he
might think I am an idiot and lash out at me like he did to Aden. The
Oracle tells you what you NEED to hear but it is the Old Hag in the
swamp that is truly wise, she tells you want you WANT to hear. I needed
to hear something that I wanted to hear.

I walked into her house in the filthy bog, ignored the hounds barking at
nothing, and sat down while she was cooking a delicious bog hound
marinated in stirge phlegm and buckawn blood stew. I told her my story
but she laughed and coughed up a huge ball of snot and spat it in my
face.

"Sayber you zee zat di problem here iz easily fixed!" She chortled to me
and I was repulsed to see that one of her front teeth was hanging from a
thin bit of flesh and every other tooth was pointing in a different
direction and ranged in color from yellow, grey and green. "You need da
cactus weed Zayber!"
"Hrm?" I was astonished. "It is a drug, people who smoke that stuff are
stupid and impudent. Spirokai deals the stuff and he apparently has
smoked his willy away, well that is what all guys in the RL say."
One of the bog hounds sitting next to the fire place farted and it
started to bark at its own bum.
"Zhut up Zayber!" The witch was choking on another of her snot balls and
I dived under the table for protection. "Just zmoke it once or twice and
it will give you a new perspective on your life and zen ztop, never
touch it again. All your questions will be answered."
"How do you know if you are addicted?"
You will know if you are addicted when you have a dream where you
zmoking da weed and you can't fall azleep, and you are zmoking da weed
and you can't fall azleep and then you wake up and you zmoke da weed
that means you are probably addicted.

So I bought some weed from her and said goodbye. Then I left and walked
down to Shallam. I thought about the task ahead. All I had to do was
lock myself in a room and smoke the stuff and tell no one. Cold shivers
were running down my spine. What if people found out and thought I was
like Alastra, doing it to be cool? What would happen to me if I smoked
it and lost my testicles and became stupid like Sigfried? What if I
started laughing all goofy and started calling people bub? What would
happen if I smoked it and sold my drawing of Brin's behind? What if I
smoked it and became a vampire? What if they thought I was insane like
Avialle, complaining about voices in her head talking about a new blood
line? What if I smoked the stuff and became mental and didn't remember
what I did the night before, only to receive a letter from the goddess
Khepri saying, "You think that's funny? Now let us see how you like
becoming a snail. Defiling my shrine with corpses and blood is
acceptable, but what you did is inexcusable!" I couldn't live through
that again.

I was not going to let logic and rationality get the better of me, I was
going to smoke it come underworld or high waters. I sneaked in the
Crystal Leaf in and hid in the Livery Stables and took my tinderbox out.
I stuffed a few leaves of the weed into my pipe, lit it and sucked in
the air. I began to cough violently. The witch said it would happen and
I should just keep doing it. I was unsure how much of the stuff to
smoke, so I burnt the whole bag. I expected to see something, an aura of
weapons rebounding, but nothing happened.

"What a waste of time!" I muttered to one of the horses.
"You just smoked the whole bag buddy!" The horse answered. "I ain't
never seen that before, you gonna be totally wasted man!"

I blinked.

I gathered my things and sprinted out the room. I ran into the common
room at full place but I was stopped dead in my tracks by three Xorans.
Two Luminary and one Daru. When Shallam was weak it was peaceful and
happy, then it slowly became strong with the path of Rahn and a few
luminary extremists. The laws had become forceful and inexcusable.
Anyone who was suspected of anything, died. There was a rumor of an age
coming where the realm would be introduced to enlightenment and half of
Shallam would be destroyed, I was looking forward to that.

"Nobody expects the inquisition!" I whispered to myself.
"What was that Sayber?" The Luminary asked inquisitively.
"Oh er, nothing I just ran in here at full pace for no reason." Like
they believed that. "I just saw a little rat scuttling about."
Fortunately there was a mouse running along the passage wall. "SEE THERE
IT IS!"
The mouse looked at me and said, "You are in so much poo right now man!"
"Did you hear what that mouse just said?" I stared incredulously,
knowing I had lost my mind.
"He is showing signs of dementia." One of the luminaries whispered to
the elder. "Perhaps we should burn him at the stake, he may be
possessed."
"Sayber why are you here so far from Shallam!" The luminary grew
suspicious of my behavior. "Why do you run from the beacon, do you fear
the light?"

I was starting to see bunnies humping morning doves in the corner of the
room.

"Answer the question Sayber!" The Daru ordered. "And where is your
uniform?"
"Um, you see I was just hungry, came in for a bite to eat." It was no
lie, I was in fact very hungry for no reason. "I was just in Azdun
looking for inspiration for a latest drawing of mine. Then the madman
came in and started killing everything in the place, goblins, kobolds,
spiders, mhuns you name it, FOR NO REASON!"
"Lets burn him!" The female Luminary whispered a little more
desperately.
I get the feeling you are lying Sayber?
I swear I tell the whole truth nothing but the truth so help me gods!
"Burn the insubordinate bastard master." The female shouted and her
lizard eyes filled with blood.
"TREASON SAYBER!" The Daru pointed at me. "You are out guilded and
enemied. Then the elder Luminary razed his mace above his head and I
closed my eyes ready to meet the mirror. (I liked the mirror, I got to
see myself and my sexisorry).;
Nothing happened. I opened my eyes and they were gone. Except for the
bunnies that were trying spit feathers out of their mouths. This weed
was not helping, all I concluded was that Daru and Luminaries were more
evil than the Dark Lady, and Xorans succumbed to bloodlust more readily
than vampires.;
I stumbled to the bar and the barkeep gave me a steady look, clearly he
was used to this activity.;
"Give me something to eat please!" I was startling to panic and the room
was spinning. "Preferably a snack or something small.";"Yes sir, here
are some Poly Harpy droppings." He handed me a plate of steaming
delectable goodies. "That will be 50 gold sovereigns. I did not argue
and began to scoff them down greedily. They were made entirely from
digested animal bones and broken down creature flesh. To me they tasted
sugary and delightful.

I sat back on a soft couch near the fireplace. Everything suddenly went
peaceful, I felt relaxed and millions of thoughts suddenly roamed in my
head. Some thoughts were small, like why do crows go "caw caw!"? And why
does a tree's bark make no sound at all?

Others were profound thoughts like, if Lady Nuiri was the goddess of
mystery, and the basis of her domain was the realm of suspicion and
skepticism, would she ever understand herself? Or would she be trapped
in a paradox of misconception, confusion and disillusioned focus, if so
then were her followers following a constructive path or were they
searching for mystery, within the mystery that considers itself a
mystery yet would not be able to describe mystery because she herself is
a mystery? All I can say is it's very mysterious.

The weed was good, but it was clear I smoked too much of it. The bunny
looked at the humgii on the chess board for a moment. The humgii burped
and then the bunny scampered off in his vain pursuit to hump the now
tired dove.

Three Tso'laa Magi entered the room and ordered some wine from the
barkeep. They glided in elegantly, Tso'laa were magnificent creatures
but they were very fragile. You had to be very careful around them. Once
when I was a troll I slapped a Tso'laa on the back in a friendly
gesture. I cracked three of his ribs and snapped his collar bone. They
were the type of people at school that are extremely clever but play no
sport at all. Very few saw the sun, and very few had girlfriends.

"Mmm, this is a chardonnay from Western Ithmia!" He was aloof and
austere. "Year 43, midautumn I believe, crisp and clear a dash of lemon
yet a hint of mint, I sense interference from bayberry but the
aftertaste is quite remarkable. What in the realm is that fellow doing?"

He pointed at me.
"He seems to be making odd nasal noises." At that stage I was exploring
parts of my anatomy, and my snout was most fascinating. If I breathed
out of my snout really slowly I could make a high pitched squeaky noise.
"Odd, quite odd, I really can't understand these lesser species." The
Tso'laa was more arrogant than Zahmekoses, no wait that would be
impossible. "Not logical at all, he looks rather foolish. This place
aggravates me, let us leave, I cannot take the smell nor the atmosphere.
Let us oscillate that Xoran idiot."

I stopped squeaking at the name I was most accustomed to. Idiot. Tso'laa
are not intimidating beings but when I saw three of them surround me and
begin chanting I grew a little concerned. They began chanting but
eventually I could no longer hear their words I began to hear music.
Strange music, in the corner of the room there were a group of
dreadlocked goblins banging on various drums. In the other corner there
were a group of muhn strumming mandolins and other stringed instruments.
Neon lights, blazing strobes and thin beams of red light shot around the
place and right in the middle was a strange mirror ball spinning from
the ceiling. I got up and danced, I danced like a possessed horse with
whooping cough, I danced like a goat trying to untangle itself from a
tumble weed. I saw Lady Ioysene in front of me, totally naked and
totally beautiful. (No not as beautiful as Saige of course) She was
tempting me with unwholesome thoughts and my loins began to pulsate with
lust. I walked to her wiggling my hips and pointing in the air for no
reason. I was singing to her and telling her how beautiful she was. I
embraced her and began to bring my lizard lips to her mouth. It was like
some deep blissful dream. She tasted horrible. She tasted like stale ale
and she had a very hairy face.

Everything went quite. The music stopped and The Lady Muse disappeared.
Three Tso'laa stared at me amused almond orbs. I had my arms wrapped
around some drunken old man who was smiling at me all funny like.

I vomited. I was so stoned. How was the weed helping me? It was just
showing me how cruel the world was and what a bunch of antagonizing
bastards the Magi were. I hated the world. I felt like Takara in her
womanly moods when she feels sorry for herself.

"Illogical." The Tso'laa with the extremely sharp ears said to the
other.
"Irrational!" The Tso'laa with the long black hair spat.
"Utterly stupid." They last one said as they walked out.

I began to cry, like a girl. Like Jianmin after he looses a spar. Then I
realized two more guests had entered. Or were they always there? With
Syssn you never can tell. Nothing makes me more paranoid and neurotic
than Syssn Rajamala. I quickly searched my pack and pocket belts.

"Okay they haven't stolen anything yet!" I muttered in relief.
"What was that Sayber?" The female Rajamala asked me. I had known this
woman for a long time, she claimed to be a friend but she had this
annoying habit of decapitating me during landmark seasons. The man
sitting next to her I had known for a long time too, he had an odd sense
of humor, things I found funny would anger him, and things he found
funny scared the poo out of me. He also thought flame walls actually
hurt Rahnite, Daru, Xorans with fire resistance. Nevertheless he was
intelligent cool and I respected him.
"Oh nothing!" I struggled. "Er, have you seen a pink bunny about yay
big, come hopping across here?"
"No!" The stern faced raja said to me whilst he licked his paw-like hand
and rubbed it against his ear for no reason. Rajamala were peculiar.

He then ordered a drink. Fermented potato juice with a drop of vermouth,
shaken not stirred on an oddly shaped glass with an olive in it. I asked
for a glass of water, I was really beginning to hallucinate now. The
walls were melting, the floor was growing purple grass and the roof was
slowing moving down to crush me. Syssn were good with hallucinations. I
was so screwed.

"Sayber is something the matter?" The female asked me. (At least I think
she was female there was fur all over the place I could not tell.)
I hated Rajamala, probably the most out of all the races. They were an
injustice to the rest of the races. They are fast, too fast. They were
the best fighters because of it. The divine favored the raja and
condemned the rest of us to be submissive to a group of felines. Felines
that would sleep most of the day in a sunny spot. Felines that would
scratch up and ruin a comfy couch for no reason. Felines that no matter
how hard you hit them in the face, they would always land on their feet.
Felines that would stare at a ball of wool for ages and occasionally
lash out at it.
"No, nothing is the matter, I am fine thank you!" She was on to me, she
knew I was wasted. "I just feel a little tired and stuff. By the way did
you see a bunny hop along over here...?"
"Sayber shut up, don't make me kill you!" I got a fright and spilt some
water on the male Syssn. You cannot begin to image how horrible Rajamala
fur smells when it is wet. The female growled and I began to think my
head was in immediate danger of decapitation.
"Sorry it was a mistake." I tried to apologize but he took out two dirks
and stabbed me in the chest before I said the first syllable of the
first word.
"Ow!" I tried to protest. "These venoms are bannedargg!"

I sank to the floor in agony. I cried like a girl, I cried like Aden
being rejected by Elinja. I cried like Murad being wormed. The Dark Lady
is the Goddess of forbidden delights but one should never call her a
whore. Prostitutes provide a forbidden delight to those that wander into
the dark alleys of Ashtan, they fall prey to their sinful natures.
Corruption is the amount of gold they charge and the decay is the clap
transmitted that will claim your manhood. Do not ask how I would know,
just see PUBLIC NEWS #1323.

I opened my eyes and they had gone. I started noticing a pattern here. I
was not quite sure, but all I knew is that Syssn were exclusive, cynical
and could wormhole themselves into anyone's pocket. Perhaps the weed was
giving me examples of races and classes, tempting me to change. I needed
a change. Like the goddess of change, constantly changing. However she
is always going to be the goddess of change so that is rather consistent
of her. Hrm? I hate weed, it answered a few questions but leaves a few
million more unanswered.

I gathered my thoughts (or lack there of) and sat back down, everyone in
the Inn were looking at me and talking amongst themselves. The bunny was
now out of control and the dove was in a blind bemused panic.

"Oh him, that is Sayber." I overheard one of the patrons. "He is an
artist, he is messed up in the head, just ignore him. He is a babbling
madman, a bit pompous too. He speaks so much yet says so little." He
reminded me of Fenring, a total waste of time and so insignificant I
would only do him an injustice by taking notice of him.

Five gigantic frogs leaped into the room. I was not sure which of them
were occultist or which Cabalists were but I could sense from the sheer
over whelming stench that they were necromancers, the lot of them. They
made these really disgusting guttural noises whilst a few looks around
the inn and blew their throats up in a croaking exciting frenzy. Grook
were known to be the most intelligent race in Sapience but it always
amazed me that they were distracted by the littlest things. You would
have a conversation to them talking about the revival of Arion and his
influence on the world and then a fly would buzz passed and the grook
would disappear.

"Could we have five bub ales please?" The darkest grook requested from
the barman.
"Buuuub!" the other said excitedly.
"Buuuuuuuuubbb!" They seem to be amused by this. "Bub makes you wiser!"

It was rumored that if a very attractive woman were to kiss these
creatures they would magically polymorph into a prince. The only prince
I knew was some guy in The Reach, and he was rotting and hung around
with dead ghasts. So obviously no intelligent woman tried this. If there
was one thing more disgusting than grooks and the slime that was
secreted onto their green globular skin it was people that delved into
the arts of necromancy. I had to kick my daughter out my Castle because
her room was starting to smell like something from Bloodloch. Now if
five Grook are not enough to overcrowd a room, it is four hundred of the
entities that followed them. Bubonis, fire lords, scrags, slime masters,
path finders, eaters of souls, nemesis, shape changers, dark servants,
doppelgangers, hound keepers, crones, orbs and Dameron himself knows
what. If I can ever give you good advice, NEVER under no circumstances
invite a domination user to your party. After he or she arrives the
snacks are gone and everything goes down hill.

"Whats up?" I was starting to pick up strange slang words now that I had
become a drug user.
"Nuttin." Said the grook that resembles a mass of regurgitated toad.
"Chilling, watching the game." He pointed to a very saucy horkval woman
that walked passed waggling her hips. I believed that some demons were
trapped within her buttocks because I was transfixed on her rear for a
short period of time. I knew Grook loved to feast on insects but
horkvals were much bigger and had vicious claws and seventy seven eyes
and should not be considered "game".
"True, True!" I said for no reason.
"Wassup?" The grook on the end of the table asked me. He looked like a
tadpole that had recently experienced a great shock, because his eyes
were bulging out at me and grew slightly bigger each time he breathed.
"Nothing." These grooks were giving me the creeps.
"WASSSSSSSSSSUP!" One seriously drunk grook asked me. He burped with his
mouth closed, forcing his throat to blow out into a huge pulsating
balloon.
"Nothing." I repeated. I was getting the sensation that these overgrown
amphibians were not as intelligent as everyone claimed they were. They
were growing increasingly uncomfortable with me saying nothing the whole
time.
"Why do you keep saying nothing Sayber?" The grook with the
uncontrollable eyes asked me. "Are we not cool enough for your company?"
"No, I am just saying that I was doing nothing at the time you asked me
what I was doing." I laughed a weak almost inaudible laugh. A laugh that
sound like a buzzing fly trapped in the stick-death-clasp of a frogs
tongue.
"Hey Dookie?" The amazing eyeballed grook, shouted to his friend. "Pick
up the bone!"
"Waassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssup?" A much larger grook
that looked like a tree climbing frog because his fingertips had huge
rubber suction caps on that looked like they could hold anything. Even
an Aden that could not stay in one guild, in one order, one city or one
clan for an extended amount of time. I was amazing that these tarot
flinging idiots all had really stupid names. "Dookie?" What the hell,
sounds almost as stupid as the name, "Ikne". Then the grook with the
blown up throat flung a tarot next to my face, as the life blood drained
from me I saw a picture of a fool on the tarot.
Four grook leaped on me and shriveled all my limbs before I could do
anything, then the tree frog rammed a bone into my chest.

"Vivisected!"

The barman splashed water over me.
"Listen pal,' He was trying to sound reasonable. "You are kinda ruining
my business here. You can't keep running around the place like a madman
and then keep fainting. What the is the matter with you anyways?";"I, I
am sorry. I am screwed in the head.";
I walked out, the air was refreshing but not sobering. I was grateful to
be outside, but I was still feeling very slow and sluggish. When I
turned my head to the right it took a few moments for my vision to catch
up, but by then I was facing some other direction. I still heard goblins
drumming really mellow music in my ears while mhun were singing really
sad songs about working hard in the mines, oppression from evil foremen
and how alcohol and wine were the only things that helped them escape
their wives. I still did not know if I was hallucinating or if it was
reality. I had no idea how much time had passed, and I really hated
grook necromancers.;
I still had the munchies and was contemplating eating this sexually
insane rabbit. The pink pervert darted down the path and I quickly
sprinted after it. The little elusive thing was fast, faster than
Maliquai running away from me after he dared to doubt my sexiness.
Nothing I hate more than a coward. Oh wait I hate bananas, I had a bad
incident with them when I was a cub. Well, it is not as bad as
Mephiston's phobia, he has an insecurity with germs and small insects.
The rabbit darted into a corner.;
The next moment there were butterflies everywhere. Red, yellow, orange
and black fluttering insects. Tiny little white and lime green ones. The
rabbit forgot about the dove and was now trying to hump a pink emperor's
butterfly.;
"Make love humans, not war!" The voice was one I knew for ages ago. "Lay
eggs, not holocaust globes Xorans! Feed the larvae not your bloodlust,
horkvals! Summon your young imps, not your fiery efreeti!";It was Vellis
the butterfly collector. He had a small group listening to him preach,
all of them were holding flowers and singing. There was an atavian druid
and a dwarven sentinel amongst a group of long haired humans strumming
mandolins and tambourines.;"Come on people now, smile on the world you
gotta love one another right now!" Vellis was starting to piss me
off.;"Spread the love people." Now the stigma attached to dwarves were
that they were: One, extremely tough and crass. Two, bad tempered and
Alcoholic. Three, fighters and extremely manly. (Even the woman had
facial hair.). Four, it was impossible for them to say the letter "r"
without rrrrrrrrolling it.;This dwarf contradicted everything the word
dwarf stood for. He sang, dwarves never sing. "Imagine all the people,
hugging in the streets.";"Lleis loves us!" The atavian started hugging a
tree. "The forest loves us so we must love the forest.";
This made me think, if Llies was the goddess of rebirth and renewal,
perhaps I need to seek her for guidance of my new path. Perhaps she
could enlighten me to a refreshing renaissance of guidance. I remember
reading volumes of books about her, her path seemed perfect, erm less
perfect than the path of Rahn of course but good enough. Then I saw that
the only intelligent person in her order was Tarkuul, I began to
wonder.;
The dwarf ate some kind of strange mushroom. I noticed all the humans
were smoking cactus weed and were looking at me the way a baby bear cub
would look at a hummingbird. Drunk with fascination. Was I like these
people? Doped out and in some semi-real state where everything is
surreal. I was starting to freak out.;The druid sang out. "We are like
animals, we must be one with nature and enjoy the trees!";
She had a point, a few of us in the realm were like animals. Aden was a
chameleon. Zahmekoses was an irritable old crow, Sigfried was a fungus,
Ikne was like a frog, Murad was a worm, Mephiston a maggot, Exodus was
like a fox, Takara was a pigeon, Spirokai was like a rat that liked
credits, Ahel was a boring old elephant, Iereas was like warthog and I
was like a lion that all the lionesses wanted to shag.;
Vellis came to me and smiled. "Sit down brother!" He sounded like a
Sentaari and if I had hairs on the back of my head they would be raised.
"Join us in union of the spirit Sayber. We are about to remove all our
clothes and frolic in the long grass with the butterflies, yay!";
I was at Delos by the time he finished his sentence. I do not like
hippies, I do not like people that smile at me as if I was a
hummingbird, I do not like people that wanted to hug me and call me
brother and I sure as the underworld did not like prancing in long grass
with naked dwarves.;
"Hello Sayber, welcome to Delos, have you tested you're" I punched
Teneric in the face out of frustration and then appologized quickly. I
was not myself. I needed to lock myself in a room away from everyone.
The witch had put me in a trap and was losing my mind. There were only
four classes to experience, but the visions were getting worse all the
time. I wanted to be none of the classes. I wanted to remain loyal to
Rahn and I still wanted to have the Saer'ac castle in Shallam. I ran to
Shallam.;
I managed to reach my castle unscathed by another hallucinogenic attack,
but the bouncy bunny of bad behavior was still following me. I avoided
conversation and I walked straight into the gates. All the Saer'ac were
gone so I stole the keys to the Star Chamber. I got a small goblin slave
to get me a bowl of munchies and a bottle of wine and I walked straight
in. Normally the Star Chamber is reserved for special occasions.
Political functions, government meetings, discussions with guild
dignitaries and debate over the divine. I walked in across the marble
floors and pulled out one of the leather chairs. I sat and stared at the
perforated brass ceiling that resembles the whole of Aetolian star
system. Normally these seats were reserved for important dignitaries. I
was dignifying the seat with my important ass.;
Then I had one more of my relapses, the bunny was back and he was still
trying to assert his manliness to a dumbfounded dove. I hoped he would
not mess up the Star Chamber. A paladin walked in without an
announcement, a huge hulking troll covered in armor, wielding two
longswords. He was a champion of Shallam. He noble grey falcon perched
nearby and looked at me sternly. There was one thing about the paladin
that was peculiar, he liked other males. I did not mind I quickly
forgave anyone that fell into the rapture of my male sexisorry I
forgot.;
Then I saw a darker knight approach us. The darker knight moved with the
precision of a panther. She tapped power but harnessed it with total
control. She too was armor plated and she too had a falcon. Yet she
carried two broadswords with such ease the she made the paladin look
like he was struggling to hold his long swords. She was the one woman
that I admired, she was strong and determined but she had one thing
similar to the paladin. She too liked people of the same sex.;
Now I do not have problems with homosexual, bisexual or trisexual
relationships. Heck I don't even have a problem with transsexual,
transracial, transbestial or even underage relationships (Some Tso'laa
believed to be five thousand years old have had relationships with a
troll woman a mere twenty years old, I know it makes me want to puke,
but hey!). I just preferred gorgeous angels like Saige, who smelt of
raspberries and strawberries (I hope I am scoring points here).;
I scratched my head in confusion as the two proud warriors glared at
each other in hatred. Here were two people that both land marked, both
had an affinity with metal, both had falcons, both believed in honor and
they both had had similar sexual desires. They both believe in an ideal
of good versus evil, but I saw more good in the infernal and more evil
in the paladin. Both of them were so pretentious it made me sick,
because they would both make the perfect married couple.;
I knew the troll for a long time his history was as black as interesting
as the infernal. He had the most beautiful cottage in Shallam, his
swords were always polished, and he always had the whitest uniform and
the tightest white pants. He loved attending theater and always
commented on my art. He loved to dance and cook strange exotic food. He
was a good fighter and a good leader.;
I poured him a glass of wine and he gently sat down on a chair and cross
his legs elegantly. I poured a glass for the infernal but she sat down
on a chair opposite the paladin as if she was a lumber jack and the
chair was a tree stump. It was not flattering and I saw places between
her legs darker than the catacombs of The Reach, and more frightening.;
The infernal had once killed a man for pinching her arse in the Staging
grounds, she still holds the record for the most consecutive arm wrestle
wins at the Silverdrop, she never cleans her room, she once killed my
uncle land marking then mailed him his own head a day later and she
could fart louder than any man I had ever met. She was a good fighter
and a good leader.;
The troll slowly sipped the glass of wine and closed his eyes in
blissful silence appreciating the taste. The infernal downed the glass
of wine and let out a violent burp that shattered through the castle.;
"So similar," I said to myself. "I wonder if they knew how powerful
their guilds were and how strong they were. That their wars were the
only ones worth fighting and dying for. Perhaps I should join one of
their guilds? However I wanted to keep myself neutral, neither swaying
to their shallow concepts of good or evil, honor and valor. Not
balanced, NEUTRAL!";
They both vanished and I knew I was mastering this weed affliction. I
locked the door. Then I sat down, it was now very late but I could not
sleep, I kept pondering about the world and all of the manifestations on
it. I wondered why the divine hated me, why there was no path open for
me after the Lord of Fire had gone. I wondered why I was bitter after I
took months trying to draw them and that only one had thanked me and
favored me, the Lord of Artifice. Perhaps he was the one that I should
seek. I had lost my love of the realm because of the divine. I needed to
find a reason to continue. I had however found the reason to live
through the witch with the bad teeth and her wisdom in the cactus weed.;
Then I saw the person I hated most in the Realm sitting opposite me. He
sat calmly and quietly examining me with expressionless eyes. Next to
him was his lifelong companion, his ghast and his other companion, a
beautiful woman with braided white hair. There was only one more thing
that I feared more than this man, it was his fiance. I had one
conversation with her one day and since then I had never slept
comfortably at night, the visions she showed me were more severe than
the manifestations I saw in Severn's morphing mask. She was so talented
in poetry and storytelling, but it was a guise to get you to think she
was warm hearted and kind, then she would tell you stories that would
never let you sleep comfortably again. I had to draw these two, it was a
project I loved but it would scar me forever.;
"Interview with a Consanguine!" The weed had now poisoned my system and
I let it control me, I had given up trying to fight it. Was I in the
Star Chamber or was I dreaming? "To what do I owe this
displeasure?";"Shut up!" The cold voice shot across the table. "You
mortals are so pitiful I do not see why I even waste my time on
you.";"Are you going to give me the choice you never had?" I replied.
"Would you like me to pour you a glass of wine?";"No." He grabbed a rat
scuttling on the floor, ripped off its head and drained the blood into a
crystal flute.;"Charming, would you like some garlic with that?" I tried
to show that I was unflustered by such behavior. "You vampires sure know
how to put one at ease.";"Sayber, call me that word again and I will
slay you back to loom island." He never bluffed. "Now, I trust you have
seen most of the races, most of the classes and all the aspects of the
divine?";"Yes, yes I have." I was glad he was drawing to some conclusion
here. "What does it all mean?";"Typical, stupid day walker." The vampire
looked at his two companions. "The weed enhances your subconscious. It
delves into the areas of your puny brain that ignore the fundamental
principles of your thinking in each day. What did you resolve to find
out?";"Hrm!" this was getting interesting. "Well I think Daru and
Luminaries had good concepts and ideals, Luminaries are more powerful
priests and Daru are less powerful monks, but the skill in each class
cannot be changed because it would disrupt both classes. I like that
they love to kill vamthings that lurk in the dark, but I fear they are
drifting away from the ideas that would better suit anyone, and now they
have adopted a more fanatic and erratic behavior. I feel safer round
consanguine.";He raised his eyebrow.;"Consanguine are fluffy and cuddly
compared to the warriors of the light.";He raised his other
eyebrow.;"Consanguine are squishy and yummy";"Enough fool!" He shouted.
"Continue, with your observations.";"Magi!" I exclaimed. "They have the
power to do so much more, but they are so preoccupied with their own
selfish desires that their influence or ideas do not spread far from
their guild house.";"Yes." He relaxed and motioned me to
continue.;"Syssn." I pondered. "Probably have the best guild structure
and well organized novice system in the realm. Like the Magi they have a
craft and loads of potential. I just do not think they get up to enough
mischief. They are almost reserved in their conservative world. Oh and
how much does phasing and wormholes piss me off? They must have seen
what I do when I am alone and stuff, dirty spies. To ban venoms and
charge thirty thousand gold sovereigns a vial, please?";He nodded. "So
you like none of those guilds?";"No!" I continued. "Occultist and
Cabalist. Occultists are powerful and have some very respectable names
in their guild. The Cabalist almost killed themselves trifling with the
paladins, I am sure they will come right. I do however hate the smell of
dead thingsno offense. And they are evil, true evil, I want to be
neutral. Unbiased.";He nodded. "Like the Sentinels and the
Druids?";"Lords no!" I almost jumped out of my seat. "They are almost
the complete opposite to the Necromancers. They are the true good in the
land if such an idea is conceivable. I do not like hugging trees,
playing in flowers and frolicking with naked dwarves. I do think
Sentinels have the potential to be better fighters, Nightshadow is a
great man, Alkaiser is a good friend, Valiarde can be okayI dunno.";"The
knights?" He asked. "They both claim to be the epitome of both those
concepts, good or evil.";"Yes, I agree. I am worried about the paladins
I do not know why perhaps they or in their last hour, they have some old
members in that guild that are impervious to change. Elephants. They are
good, but I could not resign myself to fight for something with those
rigid beliefs. My father tried and got refused, look at him now.";Chrono
was howling at the moon outside and both consanguine laughed.;"Infernals
are great, but my daughter is there and she is happy, but Bloodloch is
such a gloomy place full of mystic mayhem. I would never be able to be
comfortable there. To have a bird on my shoulder constantly crapping on
me, no thank you.";"You know what you sound like Sayber?" The silver
haired man announced. "You sound like a typical consanguine. You just
need to be a little more arrogant and obnoxious. I think you could make
a very good vampire. Oops, Consanguine.";I nodded and did not deny it. I
was born hating them I have fought my whole life against them. I
realized that their lifestyle would probably best suit me however. They
were rouges that had the freedom to do what the wished with only the
constraints of their immortal desire for blood and darkness. When I
first came to the realm I wanted to be a hunter.;
I tried to follow the principles of Haern. I lacked once I found out I
was not a good fighter and I liked cities. This always confused me about
Haern, if we had no cities where were we to live, obviously not towns,
villages or hamlets. Not even huts because that is the reflection of a
city. So he would expect us to live in the wild in caves, without much
clothing and the thoughts of civilization. His order was full of great
leaders however.;
"I have spent my life hating Consanguine." I confessed. "But if I was to
resign myself to a life of immortality, I would be defeated. Can you
imagine living the rest of eternity realizing you have failed in you
only life's ambition?";"Indeed." He was not surprised at my answer. He
almost expected it. "Then you must understand there is one class that
you could join.";"What?" To me there were no classes left. "What class
could I possibly join?";
The vampire smiled at me because he knew that I knew what class he was
talking about.;
"One thing Sayber." The vampire warned me. "Stay with Rahn. He will be
back one day, but for all my eternal life if you have a stupid name like
, Maa Little Sparrow, Sensei Ele De'vyen, Gatherer of Flowers I will
hunt and kill you and your family forever!"

The bunny had found another girl bunny and he was happy. I was happy for
the bunny. The bunny was happy with me.

May a huge flame warm your heart over Celesmas.



Penned by my hand on the 25th of Lleian, in the year 116 MA.