What do you do-
when things feel different?
When the light of a friend's presence
no longer quite banishes the shadows in your heart.

When you begin to question your place
in the lives of those you care about most?
Nothing has changed
and yet things feel different.

It feels different when you realize,
that only you reach out.
That only you offer.
That only you smile.
What is this feeling? It sours my heart,
it is strange.

Am... I untrustworthy to you?
or simply too young to understand your grand design?
I wish you would tell me,
so that my heart could stop hurting.
But you don't even read my poems.

My heart is safer here, bared for all,
rather than daring to face my fears
of confronting you directly.
Would I then lose those small glances too?
That you pass my way when I walk into a room,
or hide myself in your shadow?

And then there's him-
the streak of silver in my darkness,
with eyes that look like mine, too.
Both of yours do.
I think... I love him.
I wish that I could feel like less of a burden,
in these moments when the shadows overtake.

The face I put out for all is unending joy because
they deserve it.
Because I do not want my friends to worry for me.
I smile.
Because I know that these feelings are temporary.
That they will pass.
I smile.

And yet even when I smile for the world,
I cannot help this sinking feeling
when...

Things feel different.

Penned by my hand on Kinsday, the 21st of Ivolnos, in the year 21 AC.